Crackerwax

The Commodore 64 was an outstanding machine, its abilities were pretty amazing for the time and whilst its graphical abilities were good, they were matched by other 8-bit machines of the time. Its sound though? Well that’s another story altogether.

The Commodore 64 was home to one of the most powerful sound processors of the time; the SID.

The SID, or Sound Interface Device, was the sound controller that was used in the Commodore 64, essentially it was an analogue synth on a chip and the range of sounds it could produce were streets ahead of anything else at the time.

The guys that managed to coax the sounds from this chip are legendary in retro gaming circles, the most well known proponent of the art – Rob Hubbard – is a genius. To this day he remains practically unknown, he truly deserves more recognition for the part he played in the foundation of digital music.

Even now though the SID is still used, primarily in a MIDI sound module – the SIDStation – and the sounds it makes have been very popular with the rap and R&B communities, with numerous tracks sporting SID arpeggios.

Some producers have been less than honest though. Timbaland in particular. He infamously lifted the entire melody from the Commodore 64 arrangement of an Amiga tune; Acidjazzed Evening and used it in the Nelly Furtado song Do It.

The original composer was given no credit. The whole thing sucked.

Regardless of all that the SID’s sound remains unique and is instantly recognisable to any retro gaming fan or 8-bit afficianado.

It’s good that SID music is still being listened to, and that it’s so easy to get, regardless of the rather dishonest use of those tunes by some.

If you’ve never heard the SID belt out a tune on its own – without an overpaid half wit babbling all over it – you’ve really missed a great experience. That’s why I’ve put together my top ten favourite SID tunes for you to listen to. I’m kind like that.

Sanxion – Rob Hubbard

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Ooh! Sanxion! What a belter this is. Loading a game took ages back in the mid-eighties, so it was always good when you got a rocking piece of music like this to distract you. Mind you I didn’t think that much of Sanxion as a game, it never really did it for me. I suspect I’m in the minority there though.

Wizball – Martin Galway

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Good grief Wizball was an amazing game and it was made by the music. This is the high score theme which is lovely and mellow and would often round off a session nicely.

Its mellow and spacey all at the same time. I love it!

Cybernoid II – Jeroen Tel

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This came slightly later in the Commodore 64′s life and is altogether a bit more full on. That’s not to say it’s not great, because it is, it’s just a bit stronger.

Parallax – Martin Galway

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This piece of music comes from the part of Parallax where you’re running around the deserted cities, usually drugging scientists. It really conjured up the isolation of being in a practically empty, alien city.

Just me then?

The Last Ninja – Ben Daglish & Anthony Lees

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Every single tune in The Last Ninja was a corker. In the end I plumped for this one, no particular reason as they are all mini-masterpieces in their own right.

Tetris – Wally Beben

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The closest the Commodore 64 got to prog rock was this awesome twenty five minute epic that accompanied – in hindsight – one of the worst versions of Tetris I’ve ever played.

At the time though I seem to recall thinking that Commodore 64 Tetris was awesome. I was only thirteen mind and it was a cold winter. Nevertheless listening to this and resetting the line counter twice (it reset at 255) was my idea of a great night back then.

Hunter’s Moon – Matt Gray

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Another loading screen tune and what a stunner it is. The slow militaristic beat accompanied a brilliant loading screen and once again it really got you in the mood for the game to come, which by the way was corking.

I seem to recall it was also quite easy to cheat and rack up a whole host of extra lives because of the regenerating nature of the game world. This meant you could point your ship at an alien structure, pop a book on your fire button, zip off and have your tea, all the while safe in the knowledge you were racking up the points as the computer controlled drones went around rebuilding the scenery you were getting points for destroying! Happy days.

Quedex – Matt Gray

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Quedex, or to give it its full title; The Quest For Ultimate Dexterity! I spent about two hours failing the first level because I hadn’t read the instructions.

The only thing that kept me going was the music, my reasoning being that if the music was this good the game must be pretty special. That and the fact that it had got a Zzap! Sizzler.

Firefly – Fred Gray

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Tidy little game, nothing special but the music was ace!

Zamzara – Charles Deenen

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A scrolling Contra style affair without the delicate control that Contra afforded you. Given that it was a budget title (£2.99, bargain!) the graphics and music were amazing!

It’s been released! The PlayStation 3 is here and you can buy one anywhere you want, anywhere. Anywhere.

Game? Check!

Woolworths? Check!

Playtime? Check!

Currys? Check!

Gamestation? Check!

Wow, try getting a Wii from any of them, pah, fat fucking chance.

Anyway, for a change I’ve decided not to rant about Sony this time, rather the pathetic shabby looking emporium of tat that is Gamestation in Burton.

Now as a rule I love Gamestation, the one in Stafford was excellent the people that ran it new about games, ran the store as a business rather than a social club and were really helpful and friendly. Fast forward to Burton and oh my, my.

Let’s start with the staff, every single one of them is under 23 and apathetic. Oh, and boy do they love their music and they love letting everyone know about it too. Although I don’t think a Velvet Revolver cover of the Sex Pistol’s tune Bodies is what paying customers need to hear. Although for those not in the know let’s recap some of the choicer lyrics:

She was a girl from Birmingham
She just had an abortion
She was a case of insanity
Her name was Pauline she lived in a tree

And boy does it get better, try these ones, bear in mind this was four o’clock on a Thursday afternoon:

Fuck this and fuck that fuck it all and
Fuck the fucking brat
She don’t wanna baby that looks like that
I don’t wanna baby that looks like that

Now I’m no prude and in fact I own the original and love the cover too, I’d just question the need for them to be playing something that most people would find offensive so loud that they couldn’t actually hear their customers.

Anyway this isn’t even the best bit. No, no, it gets better. As I mentioned earlier the PlayStation 3 was released on Friday, so I mooched down to the very same Gamestation I’m ranting about here to check it out.

Now they had a standard demo booth thingy, nice big Sony 1080p LCD with Virtua Fighter 5 blasting away on it. Now I’m not a fan of the Virtua Fighter series, the second one was cool but since the last time I touched a Saturn was in 1998, I’ve now become more of a Tekken fan.

I digress.

Suffice to say as somewhat of a non-fan I’d prefer to look at the other launch title; MotorStom. So I dutifuly fought my way through the wall of noise to the counter and asked one of the soap-dodging-youths behind the counter if I could take a look at MotorStorm.

His answer stunned me.

No, not really. We don’t like MotorStorm, we prefer Virtua Fighter better.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, not only was it grammatically suspect but it apparently takes too much effort – read any effort at all – to get the disc swapped over or something and besides they didn’t like MotorStorm.

At this point it was pointed out – by me – that I was the customer and would really like to see MotorStorm if they had any realistic hope of me buying a PlayStation 3 at any point soon. This resulted in actual laughter.

What? It’s at this point I wanted to say this.

Look son it costs £425 and you’re sitting on forty surplus of the fuckers on launch day, I don’t give a two shits which game you think is best, you slimy little oxygen thief, I’m the customer, I’m being polite, I want to try MotorStorm.

I really think you should be a little more open to demoing the thing to potential customers – who could very easily buy it somewhere else – rather than attempting to assert your worthless, dope addled opinion.

Contrary to what your life experience thus far has shown you, you really are a worthless little no-mark, you’re about as likeable and funny as a Nazi paedophile. Your entire existence on this planet was predicated by a mistake your mother made behind some bins at her local pub while she was out of her face on Blue Nun.

So, if you want to pay your dealer this month I’d suggest you get your greasy, tobacco stained little hands in that display cabinet and swap the disc over. Furthermore you might want to consider wiping that irritating, prickish little smirk off your face before I decide to do it for you with my shoes.

I didn’t though. As it was I just walked out, it’s not long ago that I would’ve kicked off big style. I’ve come a long way.