I was just going through an old pile of CDs I found when I was moving a few things, and on one of them I found this.
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I’d forgotten about that – it made me chuckle – it has got me wondering if the Amish really do have rake fights?
Images of Harrison Ford twatting Randy Quaid with a rake fill my head…
We went to see Rhys Darby at The Bloomsbury Theatre last month. We met him. That’s Restless Cheese and me with him in the header.
He’s in the middle. The thin one.
No doubt Restless Cheese will display it next to the one of him hugging Dave Grohl. Really, he has a photo of himself with Dave Grohl.
I am ever so slightly jealous.
This is quite posibly the best use of a marker pen I have ever witnessed. (more…)
I bought a Cadbury’s Creme Egg Twisted bar the other day. It was substandard. So I wrote this letter.
Dear Lovely Cadbury’s Consumer Relations People
Whilst travelling to Bradford recently Elizabeth and I decided to stop at a motorway service station to purchase some snack products for our journey. As I was in charge of the purchases I decided upon the following:
- One 500ml bottle of Diet Coke
- One 500ml bottle Dr Pepper
- Two Cadbury’s Creme Egg Twisted bars
The choice of the Cadbury’s Creme Egg Twisted bars was obvious. Both Elizabeth and I are big fans of your famous Cadbury’s Creme Eggs but given that we were in a car hurtling up the motorway I felt it prudent to enjoy the Cadbury’s Creme Egg experience in bar form.
Now, I have nothing against your Cadbury’s Creme Eggs, it’s just that they are a little difficult to eat sometimes and are a snack better suited to the home environment (on the sofa, in the lounge when watching Ashes To Ashes for example). Sorry, I digress; I’ll get to the point.
Upon biting in to her Cadbury’s Creme Egg Twisted bar Elizabeth’s delight was obvious, the noises alone indicated enjoyment far above the norm! However it was a very different story when I bit into my bar, a very different story indeed.
It was solid!
That’s right solid. You can imagine my surprise when that happened. The enclosed picture was taken when I returned home.
Additionally I have retained the part of the bar that was left (it was a struggle to stop Elizabeth from eating it I can tell you!) and enclose a small chunk (wrapped in cling film) for your forensic analysis. I can tell you this much though, it was definitely the same type of chocolate that you make your Cadbury’s Creme Eggs out of (delicious and tasty).
I would very dearly love to know exactly what happened in your Cadbury’s Creme Egg Twisted factory when this bar was being produced. Was it sabotage by a rival firm? A disgruntled former employee interfering with the fondant injector perhaps? Or could it have been an escaped experiment, the result of a secret project with a special ‘black budget’, set up to research new and innovative products? Who knows, all I know is I was shocked and a little disappointed.
I don’t like to talk about money but I fear given the current economic climate I must. I am obviously now out of pocket to the tune of approximately 65p, if you factor in my time and the cost of producing this letter it rises to a whopping £1.40.
I’m not going to claim damages for emotional distress though so don’t worry. I would settle out of court for the following:
- An explanation of why my Cadbury’s Creme Egg Twisted bar was hewn from solid (solid!) chocolate
- A trip for two around the Cadbury’s Creme Egg Twisted factory
- One box of Cadbury’s Creme Egg Twisted bars
- A signed photo of Trevor Bond (your Managing Director, he must have had a hand in this if it was a secret project?)
I await your response with baited breath.
Keep on trucking!
Jon
PS This little incident has in no way affected my view of your products, as I type I’m tucking in to a delicious bar of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk!
PPS My phone number, if you need to call me, is 07939 325 186.
PPPS If it was a secret project my discretion is assured. Please don’t send the heavies around, I have a weak ankle.
Not had a response yet…
My Dad bought a Philips Video 2000 system in the early eighties. It came with a groovy little video that showed you how to use it, y’know program it and such.
The one abiding memory I have of this video is a little fella in a hat, that spoke gibberish and had the most amazing bendy fingertips. In fact I sometimes think I imagined the whole thing.
No more though! Now, thanks to the miracle of YouTube, I’ve found the actual video! Rejoice in its bizarre splendour.
Freaky, huh? Made all the more freaky by the weird alien thing that it makes you imagine actually starts your recordings when you’re out and the music towards the end (a cross between Jean Michel-Jarre and a bad trip in a fairground). Amazing stuff.
It’s true. Today was a voyage of discovery for me that lead to my uncovering of two amazing gems.
The first is that we have Ronald Reagan to thank for GPS navigation! Well, a point of clarification perhaps, he didn’t invent it but he was responsible for allowing its use by civilians.
After a Korean Airlines flight got lost over Soviet territory and was shot down by fighter jets in 1983, it was Reagan that decided that GPS should be declassified. GPS then moved from being a military only doodad to being accessible by the general public!
Additionally in 1996 Bill Clinton authorised the phasing out of selective availability. That’s the noise that’s injected into the signal to prevent it from being too accurate.
So a combination of Clinton and Reagan has meant that I can now locate my nearest McDonalds on my iPhone without batting an eyelid.
The other amazing fact is more of an epiphany.
At the end of Mr Blue Sky by ELO I always thought the robotic voice said ‘Mr Blue Sky’. No! I was wrong!
It actually says ‘please turn me over’, how mad is that? For the past twenty years I’ve thought it said ‘Mr Blue Sky’ and now I find out it says nothing of the kind.
Thing is, I now can’t hear anything other than ‘please turn me over’ no matter how hard I try.
My life is amazing isn’t it?
We have though, yeah? If you haven’t it’s an experience you really ought to have had.
Your house mates (or room mates as our American cousins would have it) can really get on your tits. Whether they leave every utensil in the house covered in melted on, bright orange cheese, stroll around the house in only a towel or shit in the bathroom sink (true story, ask me about Nigel) we grow to hate those close to us in some way, at some point.
That’s why this YouTube video is so good.
Seemingly this guy’s house mate had been getting up early in the morning, going to college and slamming the door on his way out. Getting sick of this thoughtless behaviour our erstwhile auteur decided to enact a little revenge.
Roommate Revenge Buttered Floor – Watch more free videos
Priceless.
Have you seen the new Microsoft adverts, featuring former Microsoft CEO William Henry Gates III and comedian Jerome Allen Seinfeld? They’re actually rather amusing.
Fuck knows what the point of them is, they do seem to be entirely without point, but nevertheless they are still rather amusing.
Have a watch. Part one:
Part two:
Let’s just hope they’re not another Lost and we end up watching them for years, not quite knowing what the hell they’re about!
Oh and just one more thing. Note the really rather cool use, in the first clip, of the mugshot from Gates’ 1977 bust in New Mexico for running a stop sign and driving without a license. Neat.
They love taking your photo on cruises almost as much as the freaky looking inhabitants of the floating holiday camp love having their photo taken.
At every turn there’s some hack with a digital camera snapping away at the unnaturally happy cruise folk as they stand there lapping it up, grinning like they’re Brad Pitt at Cannes
I swear that all these photos were on public display on board the ship, ready to be purchased by the unfortunates pictured. Unbelievable.
Anyway, look for yourself.
Oh and by the way, the couple in photo three were both wearing wedding bands. I don’t know what point I’m trying to make by saying that but, hey, each to their own.
Tony Blews popped up an interesting post yesterday about a new game everyone can play, Your Debut Album!
Being the type of sucker that enjoys this sort of thing I went along and had a go. Anyway to cut a boring story short, here’s what I got, by the way you should read the rules before you look at all this otherwise it’ll mean fuck all!
My random Wikipedia entry was about the Susi Earnshaw Theatre School.
My random quote turned out to be.
It is our choices… that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
From J. K. Rowling and her interminable book Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets.
And my photo was this delightful piece of pop art.
[singlepic=422]
So after a bit of crafty Photoshopping I came up with this!
[singlepic=423]
Nifty, huh?