This is how your world will end.

You will see these approaching your house, you will send your children to the basement to hide but it will be too late.

They will find you all.

My Dad bought a Philips Video 2000 system in the early eighties. It came with a groovy little video that showed you how to use it, y’know program it and such.

The one abiding memory I have of this video is a little fella in a hat, that spoke gibberish and had the most amazing bendy fingertips. In fact I sometimes think I imagined the whole thing.

No more though! Now, thanks to the miracle of YouTube, I’ve found the actual video! Rejoice in its bizarre splendour.

Freaky, huh? Made all the more freaky by the weird alien thing that it makes you imagine actually starts your recordings when you’re out and the music towards the end (a cross between Jean Michel-Jarre and a bad trip in a fairground). Amazing stuff.

It was with interest that I noticed today that Pizza Hut has become Pasta Hut. Weird, I thought. Best tweet it.

And tweet it I did.

Turns out everyone in the world seemed to know that Pizza Hut has rebranded to Pasta Hut as part of some promotional thing they’ve got going on. At least that’s what all my Twitter chums told me.

But wait! What’s this? A quick google seems to indicate that this may be a permanent rebranding exercise! At least this article from The Times would have me believe that to be the case.

It does beg the question though, why? What do they hope to achieve by retaining the the same style logo and the exact same restaurants by just changing the name. Even the font in the logo is the same.

Surely if, as The Times article suggest, they are trying to appeal to the middle classes they should have started anew, ditched the hut roof logo altogether and gone for something a little classier.

It just doesn’t work, they’re clearly trying to maintain a very dangerous course out there in the middle ground.

They want the unwashed, pizza chomping masses to still recognise that they’re, more or less, the same Meat Feast flogging chain they were before but at the same time let the yummy mummies, with their sad eyed children, know that, ‘Hey! We’re healthy now, look we do crayfish arrabiata!’.

I seem to recall that Bella Pasta became Bella Italia a few years back, didn’t seem to do them much good. Their food was still shit and the service still abominable. I once got served a 10″ pepperoni pizza with just eight pieces of pepperoni on it. The manager couldn’t offer me anymore as head office had decreed that eight pieces per pizza was the limit. Madness.

It looks like Pizza Hut are about to fall into the trap of believing that a lick of paint and a new menu will sort out all their problems. It won’t.

It’s not their logo I dislike, it’s not their name or the decor inside. It’s not even the menu, I happen to like the occasional Meat Feast and go there now and again to sample its greasy delights.

No, it’s none of that. It’s the staff I can’t stand. Any shit hole can be made bearable with the right staff. Ditch the students and the Saturday working school kids and get in proper staff for proper wages.

Mark my words the first high street, down market eatery that serves half way decent food and employs adults on good money won’t be able to keep people away.

That I promise.

Those three things are a heady combo when you’re twelve. The kid in this video obviously has them all in abundance.

It’s really quite cute the fact that the info for the video says:

everything in this video is made out of card board

Bless. What a helpful lad he is for pointing that out! It almost makes up for his attrocious and oh so twelve-year-old’s-mind username of fartbuttface.

I’m really glad YouTube didn’t exist when I was eleven, otherwise the whole world would right now be pissing themselves at the sight of my low rent Thunderbirds clone, Rescue 11. I had a headquarters and everything.

Well I say that, my bed had a headboard on which I stuck a label I’d written Rescue 11 on but to me that was a headquarters.

So, there I was, relaxing and having a bit of an afternoon snooze when I was rudely awoken by my phone going off.

By golly I’m glad it did though, it enabled me to remember what is quite possibly the best dream I’ve had since the one where I leapt onto a double decker bus to escape a Predator that was chasing me down Oxford Street.

The dream only lasted about ten minutes, but in that ten minutes I managed to really feel fear, proper I’m going to die style fear. It was awesome.

I was hiding out in a house, a small house, the sort you’d see in American movies set in the mid-west. It was all one floor and the rooms all joined on to each other so it formed a sort of four room circle. I was in the front corner of the house to the left of the front door and I was peering through the blinds.

From my vantage point I could see a Terminator standing on a big metal shipping container, the type the ship cars and things in. This Terminator was a T888 like in the TV series, it had its back to me and was slowly scanning the horizon.

My immediate assumption was that it was looking for me, so I carefully and quietly crept out of the house by the side door and, ducking down, ran through more of the shipping crates. At one point I was passed by a police cruiser, what it was doing I wasn’t sure but my only focus was on escape from the Terminator that I was convinced had been sent to kill me.

So after a short crouching jog I came across a rather old, dark blue pick up truck. I quietly opened, what should have been the passenger side door, and climbed in. Even though I was convinced I was in America the truck was right hand drive. There were no keys in the ignition, so after pulling down the sun visor and discovering there weren’t any there either I resigned myself to going back to the house, talking my chances with the Terminator and looking for some car keys.

At that point I woke up. My heart was racing and I thought that the whole thing had been real, it took a good five minutes for me to relax.

This raises some questions though.

1. What were all the shipping crates doing surrounding a lovely little bungalow/house thing? Could mean a lot of things that one.
2. Was the Terminator actually after me? Could it have been protecting me? Does this suggest or signify that I’m unjustly suspicious of those that care about me, or that they’ve turned their back on me?
3. What significance does the passing police car have? Do I feel that those that should help me are unwilling to or can’t anymore?
4. Why was the truck right hand drive, even though everything else was obviously American? Am I the odd one out?
5. Why was the Terminator a T888, which isn’t the traditional and more obvious T800 Arnie-looking Terminator? Is the fact that the T888 series have never been the good guys significant?

It was all very strange and I can’t help but think there’s more to this than meets the eye! All thoughts on a post card to the usual address.

Well I know for me that whenever I think of Woolworths the two things that immediately spring to mind are Pic ‘N’ Mix and Hong Kong action movies.

That’s why it was so nice to finally see an advert for Woolworths that features Hong Kong legend Jackie Chan. I’ve often thought that Woolworths ought to exploit its obvious links to the Hong Kong martial arts scene.

Actually if you think I’m jesting in some way, why not watch it!

How fucked up is that? What were they thinking?

Allegedely filmed on an Air Canada flight London on December 6^th this video appears to show a passenger, in restraints, freaking out.

Who are all the guys with the passenger telling him to calm down? There at least three of them, the two guys either side and the guy in front. There are others on the flight I’m sure, as at several points throughout the video a number of large chaps walk up to the guys either side and speak to them. The most sinister part is that no one bats an eyelid.

Anyway watch it and see what you think.

What had he done? Was it some kind of prisoner transfer or was it someone who had just wigged out on the flight?

Whatever way you cut it, it’s kind of creepy.

I recently stumbled upon an article in the Wikipedia about number stations and it reminded just how freaky they were.

Have a listen to this, it’s one of the most famous. It’s called Lincolnshire Poacher because that’s what the tune at the start is. Stick with it, it takes a couple of minutes for the numbers to start.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

How mad is that?
(more…)

Take a look at the pictures in the gallery below.

What the fuck is that supposed to be? It was crawling across a pavement when I was out for a wander today, had to take a photo before I stomped it into oblivion.

That was a joke by the way, once the photo session finished I let it go about it’s creepy little bug way. Freaky looking fucker though.

Come on Kate you’re bound to know what this is, chances are you’ve probably got a jar full of them somewhere.