Crackerwax

Lily Allen’s really dropped a bit of a bollock recently with her half formed outpourings of anguish at the prospect of losing money to the evil of illegal downloads.

Not that I want to start rambling on about the lack of any concrete statistics to support the recording industry’s notion that downloads are killing music but I would like to point out that a download does not equate to a lost sale.

There are at least three ways that this can be the case.

One. Just because I can get hold of Dizzee Rascal’s latest opus on some Torrent site or other, does not mean I would have rushed out to buy it on CD on the day of its release. However it does mean that if I did like it and really got into it, I might just pop out and buy a copy. Perhaps I would even take a chance on his back catalogue. Who knows?

If we take this to its logical extreme I might like his music so much that I go to his gig, further supporting the artist. Oops, just realised, gigs don’t count, the labels don’t make money off gigs. Forget I mentioned that.

Two. If I can’t afford to buy it, it’s not a lost sale. It was never going to be bought in the first place.

Three. There are people who love the idea of getting something for nothing, they download movies that are of appalling quality – picture, sound and content – just because they can. They download massive amounts of MP3s at 128kbps, that sound like the aural equivalent of hitting your fingers with a mallet, just because they can.

These people are never going to buy a CD, never going to a gig and are never going to listen to everything they’ve downloaded.

Now I’m not for one minute condoning theft but let’s get real for a minute, illegal downloads could have become the ultimate marketing tool. Instead they decided that they would stamp it out.

When you think about the very nature of digital media and the ease with which it can be compressed, distributed and copied, it’s a bit like trying to kill bacteria with a hammer.

They really need to think about this a bit harder.

This is not my point however. My point is Lily Allen and her rather splendid song The Fear.

Now I’ve alway had an innate distrust of Lily Allen and her middle class chav of a father. It doesn’t really appear that she’s ever actually worked worked for the career she has. So it came as quite a surprise to me that I liked her second album, in particular track two; The Fear. Here’s a track by a girl with a healthy sense of irony, I thought.

Was I wrong though?

Let’s take a look at a couple of verses.

I want to be rich and I want lots of money

I don’t care about clever I don’t care about funny

I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds

I heard people die while they are trying to find them

Well that first line is a belter isn’t it? This is practically the gist of everyone of her recent foaming diatribes. Line two’s not far off the mark either come to think of it.

I’ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
’
Cuz everyone knows that’s how you get famous

I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror

I’m on the right track yeah I’m on to a winner

Don’t we just? Substitute GQ for the Sun or the Mirror and you’re on the right track. Witness.

It would appear I mistook Ms Allen’s heartfelt description of her career goals for satire. Whoops.

Well at least we can look forward to her new choice of career; actress! I wonder how much money will be enough for her?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 30th, 2009 at 11:26 pm and is filed under Idiots, Music, People, Unbelievable. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.