27 September 2008Airports: The Modern Ghetto
As you may have noticed from my recent tweets I’ve just spent most of today sitting in airports and scooting up and down the country in a jet.
Before we get ahead of ourselves, when I say scooting up and down the country in a jet I don’t want anyone picturing Led Zeppelin groupie molestation style craziness or any fighter pilot nonsense.
No, no. I mean getting on a flight at the crack of dawn with other earnest young business men to fly to Edinburgh and then getting back on the reverse flight later that day.
Nothing even vaguely cool. Regardless though it’s not the jet bit that’s of interest, it’s the airports.
When Obi-Wan Kenobi (you might know him as old Ben) says: ‘Mos Eisley spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.’, he’d clearly never been to East Midlands Airport at five in the morning.
Fuck me! I’ve never seen such a bedraggled bunch of scummy, fake Louis Vuitton toting, Crocs wearing, inbred half wits.
Every single one of them off to the sun to get shit faced, shag other equally unattractive bottom feeders and return home crawling with STDs, happy that they’d had a splendid time.
I’ll say it again because it bears repeating, it was five in the morning. Five in the morning and I saw people drinking Guinness.
I counted three hen parties and two stag do’s. I’m sure there were countless others it was just that I couldn’t help but notice the stag do’s because of their ‘Boys On Tour’ rugby shirts and the hens thanks to their ever so tasteful penis shaped deely-boppers.
There was also a birthday party flying out to Malaga. They were lovely. Over the strains of Metallica’s latest opus I discovered that Angela was ‘shagging her man’s best friend’, that her sister thought (in a sing song voice) she was going to get caught out and that ‘her Mam had give her £150′.
Remember that I heard this over the Metallica that was playing through my headphones. I could hear these people discuss their private lives over the sound of heavy metal. Classy.
What does it say about society that when I was called to board at 06:40 I had to ask people to excuse me to get through the queue for the bar?
Good grief, I like a drink but who in their right mind wants to drink Heineken for breakfast?
Just a pity you cna’t see them now – at this very minute – already on the third day of their holiday – things could have been worse!!!
September 28th, 2008 at 15:37