Congratulations to Andy and Louisa on their most magnificent wedding.
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More pictures will be coming soon.
If you have any pictures of the wedding that you would like posted then please email them to me at photos@crackerwax.com
They’re making a Bill Hicks biopic! Seemingly Russell Crowe is in the frame to play him. Seems an odd choice to me.
After having spent about twelve seconds lying in the sun yesterday, I awoke this morning to find that, seemingly, in the night I had caught fire.
My body was the colour of molten rock, the sheets had my outline charred onto them and judging by the amount of pain I was in, I’d had a layer of skin removed.
After spending a few moments considering my options, I gingerly got out of bed and crackled my way to the bathroom.
What greeted me was not pretty (not that it is normally but you know what I mean).
There is a moral to this story. That moral is wear sunscreen. Lots of sunscreen.
Ladies and gentlemen I present the photos from Andy’s stag do.
It was very good of Andy to let it go ahead.
For those not in the know a Segway can be best described as being the horse-less carriage version of the chariots they rode around in, in Ben Hur. It sounds freaky but it’s great fun, I suggest you try one at the first opportunity.
Sadly I didn’t manage to get a picture of myself on one, scooting around Bermuda on our Segway tour but let me tell you I want one.
Just thought you’d like to know.
Being onboard a cruise ship doesn’t make posting to one’s blog very easy. Normal service will be resumed from New York.
I don’t have sea legs, this has been exhaustively established by my inability to eat, stand up or in fact function in any manner at all whilst on this ship.
Hopefully this situation will improve as I munch my way through a bunch of antiemetics but right now I feel like shit.
Bleeurgh.
So we’ve made it onto our cruise ship and it’s full of fat people and stupid people. Still it’s a break from the norm and who knows I might even get a tan.
I’ve been reminded by a couple of things today, that in the event of an emergency it won’t be any of my actions that will cause me to die, it’ll be other people. I’ll tell you for why.
At 16:30 today we had the mandatory ship evacuation drill. There were three rules.
Fairly straight forward, no?
Still, what did about 50% of these chunky, brain dead bastards manage to do?
That’s right, scramble about the corridors in any old fashion headed for the first muster station they saw, with their life jackets on.
For fuck’s sake people it’s not difficult, just follow the instructions, they were clear enough.
I fear for my safety in the event of a proper evacuation, everyone of these bloody idiots will panic and start waving their flabby arms around and the whole system will fall apart.
God help us all.
Back in 2002 I went to Asda with Kate, Shaggy and Finola.
I’d just bought a Nokia 7650, the first ever camera phone, so was hyper keen to use it. All the time.
Here are the results.
My life was that interesting.
This man is getting married.
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So, much against his will, he had a stag do.
The pictures will appear here soon.