crackerwax

I don’t really like watching Big Brother these days, it’s a great premise ruined by the production companies’ insistence on filling the house full of fame hungry idiots and the mentally ill. I’m sure if they put well balanced, ordinary run of the mill people in there it would be entertaining, as it is it just feels dirty.

Of course the annual ‘celebrity’ edition has had to be changed this year lest they put Eugene Terreblanche, Nick Griffin and the reanimated corpse of Adolf Hitler in the house with Miss J from America’s Next Top Model.

So their amazing new ‘twist’ on the tired old formula is that they put ordinary (see the first paragraph) members of the public in and let the ‘celebrities’ run it. ‘Mazin!

Anyway, whilst flicking up the channels tonight I happened upon E4 and have been mesmerised for the past fifteen minutes by the sight of this twat, hitting vegetables with an aluminium pole. Look at him.

Just watching him standing there giggling and wheezing like some weird, asthmatic, ginger child makes me want to puke. As if it could be much worse, it is he’s actually Chairman of the Scottish Youth Parliament. What?! Really?! Yes! This is his ‘biog’ from Channel 4’s website.

John is the Chairman of the Scottish Youth Parliament and was the first teenager ever to be appointed to this position. Although he is only 20, he manages a team of staff, most of whom are in their 30s and 40s. John hopes to run for office next year and is studying for a Politics and Sociology degree. John says one of his main aims in life is to tackle child poverty in the UK. John says he’d like to see a revival and attitude change towards red-haired people in the world and he would also like to show the world that being intelligent and politically active doesn’t mean you have to be boring or geeky.

He manages a team of staff! The overweight, peching, knob who’s just spent the best part of fifteen minutes hitting things with a stick has staff? How!

Of course as it says he’s not just satisfied with tackling child poverty (though how exactly hitting food with a pole brings that about I’m not certain, but let’s just assume he has a plan), he wants a change in the public attitude towards red-haired people too? John if you’re reading I’ll let you into a secret, I don’t have a problem with red-haired people, I do however have a problem with overweight dickwads who rate hitting a tomato with a stick, worthy of ten points.

Here’s a tip, perhaps it’s not your red hair that people have a problem with, maybe, just maybe, it’s your personality?

Breaking news! He’s just made up a new rule! If you don’t make every shot you get squirted with chocolate sauce! What a prick.

More news! John gets a rash if he gets in the hot tub, although he can sit beside it. So to be clear, he gets a rash if he gets in the hot tub, so that’s why he doesn’t get in. It’s definitely not his tits, ok? Not his tits.