I think those that know me will probably realise that I identify closely with this chap.
He is a little supercilious though and at times comes off sounding a bit like the result of some unholy union betwixt Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Dawkins. But I can live with that, especially since he manages to use this belter: ‘God can suck eggs’.
Genius!
‘There is no God’, yet an ‘unholy union’ is possible?
Surely, if there is nothing holy, then the concept of unholiness is invalid.
Thus I have finally managed to catch Jon out on something. Huzzah!
Good grief Tony, you’re right!
I made a mistake in that unbelievably short post!
Or did I? Could it not possibly have been subtle use of the English language to reinforce the point being made?
Come, come Tony I think you know my capabilities far surpass that of the average bear*.
*Two bedroom cave, en-suite woods, two point four cubs.
Does this average bear have a name?
Yes he does it’s Catunta. He’s Paddington Bear’s older brother.
Essentially he’s a drug lord, overseeing a staff of over 300 other stuffed bears at a coca processing factory on the outskirts of Oxapampa.
In 1996, aged 38, he lost an eye to a rival stuffed toy drug cartel in a vicious screwdriver fight in a local bar. Since then he has maintained a low profile, rarely leaving his mansion.
He is a formidable business bear and has amassed a personal fortune in the region of $800 million.
Paddington (real name Esteban) lost contact with Catunta in 1972 when, with the aid of a false passport, he escaped to the UK. There he started a new life with the Browns. Up until that point Paddington had been a rent bear on the streets of Oxapampa, selling his body to feed his marmalade addiction.
Paddington has on several occasion flown back to Peru to try and convince Catunta to leave with him, come back to the UK and have his eye re-stitched.
His most recent trip was taken after Paddington witnessed his friend Mr Gruber being stabbed to death outside his antique shop on the Portobello Road by a gang of youths. The attack served as a timely reminder of his own mortality.
Added to the fact that on each occasion Catunta has refused to see him, ashamed by his dependance on marmalade, this gave Paddington the impetus to make the decision to stop chasing ‘the shreds’.
In 2007 Paddington finally managed to kick the marmalade habit with the use of a pioneering Marmite treatment, he hopes to travel to Peru later in the year to finally reconcile with his brother.
Not Mohammed then?
Oh, don’t even begin to start me on that one…
Sorry.