Archive for May, 2007 Page 2 of 2

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How Good Does Transformers Look?

Published by Crackerwax on 18 May 2007 in Movies and Reviews. 0 Comments

Fucking ace, that’s how good. Look at this guy, recognise him?

Optimus Prime, Our First Glimpse

Ok, he looks a wee bit indistinct in that shot, but if you go and have a look at the trailer you’ll see how kick ass this movie is shaping up to be.

We see, what I assume to be, Ramjet jumping into the air, transforming and screaming off into the distance. In fact we see all sorts of transformations in the trailer and they are all fantastic. Fantastic. Oh, hang on I don’t think I made that clear. All the transformations (am I overusing that word?) are stunning, they look just like you’d hope they would.

I remember lusting after the toys as a kid, but luckily my parents were too tight to buy them for me so I’ve managed to retain that lust, just in time for Steven Spielberg to produce a live action version. Ace.

Hang on though, it’s Friday night, I’ve been at the gin so maybe it’s just me but this looks like it’s going to be fucking dynamite.
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Bingo. Hell On Earth

Published by Crackerwax on 15 May 2007 in Going Out and Ranting. 0 Comments

Went to bingo tonight with Suzanne, Andrea and Stuart. As far as I can tell bingo players are all a combination of the following:

  1. Dole scum.
  2. Female and overweight.
  3. Male and malnourished.
  4. Toothless.
  5. Single parents.
  6. Mentally sub-normal.
  7. Chain smokers.
  8. Ugly.

Well, that might be a little bit unfair, but bloody hell it’s a fucking nightmare. The whole experience costs you about six thousand pounds and once you get in there you can’t see from one side of the gaudily lit shit-hole to the other for cigarette smoke.

You go in, buy your bingo sheets from the world’s least customer focussed person, who when asked how to play tells you that you just mark off the numbers. Wow. Really? Fucking hell is that it? Bad experience right off the bat there. Great.
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Paula Ceely: Idiot

Published by Crackerwax on 13 May 2007 in Ranting. 1 Comment

‘I put my complete trust in the sat nav and it led me right into the path of a speeding train.’

That’s because you’re a fucking idiot. However, she continues.

‘I came to this crossing at Ffynongain and there was, like, a metal gate, which looked like just a normal farmers’ gate with a red circle on it.’

A red circle? Hmmm, what could that possibly mean?

‘I thought it was a dead end at first and then there was a little sign saying, if the light is green, open the gates and drive through.’

If the light is green. What would you do? I know that I’d be looking for a green light, what’s more I wouldn’t move until I found one. What I wouldn’t do is, oh, too late…

‘So I opened the gate, drove forward, closed the gate behind me and then went to go and open the gate in front of me. Then I heard this train and I noticed train tracks.’.

What a dozy motherfucker, for the love of God, she’s a second year student at Birmingham University, good to see the future’s in safe hands, eh?

Her shitty little Clio was dragged half a mile down the tracks by a train and all she can say is ‘the crossing wasn’t shown on the sat nav.’, nothing about how she’s really sorry that she put people’s lives at risk, no, no none of that. Does the thought even occur to her that a train hitting her car could cause a derailment?

There are more people in the world than you love. What about the driver? For all he knows he’s hitting a car full of people. Are they going to die, is he going to die, are the people on his train going to die? Long and short of it, is he going to be responsible for the death of other human beings?

Fact is you’re too stupid to be allowed behind the wheel of a car. I say she should be prosecuted for driving without due care and attention.

The Deep Fried Mars Bar

Published by Crackerwax on 11 May 2007 in No Idea. 3 Comments

Take a look at this.

Deep Fried Mars Bar

How tasty does that look? Oh yes, no mistaking it’s the finest chocolate and batter based snack available on the planet. The deep fried Mars bar.

I introduced Suzanne and, surprisingly, Mr and Mrs Douglas senior to the joys earlier today. More photos of the event after the jump!
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Family Snaps

Published by Crackerwax on 9 May 2007 in People and Photos. 0 Comments

During a recent house clearance the following snaps were unearthed.

After a bit of a metaphorical spit and polish in Photoshop they’ve come up a treat. See for yourselves.


Hot Panoramic Action!

Published by Crackerwax on 8 May 2007 in Photos. 0 Comments

Ok, here we go, a number of photos I’ve taken and they’re all in super-panoramascope!


Lou’s Birthday 2007

Published by Crackerwax on 7 May 2007 in Going Out and Photos. 0 Comments

Pizza, alcohol and a stay in a top notch hotel, what could be better? Nowt, that’s what.

Also seeing Andy so shit faced he could hardly stand was slightly chortlesome, I won’t deny it.


Halloween 2006

Published by Crackerwax on 7 May 2007 in Going Out and Photos. 1 Comment

Now, don’t worry I’m not going silly. I know it’s been ages since Halloween but this is the first test of my new image handling for this, the amazing and new crackerwax v2.0.

Let me know what you think!

Sunshine

Published by Crackerwax on 4 May 2007 in Movies and Reviews. 0 Comments

Set fifty years in the future Sunshine is the story of eight brave astronauts attempts to restart the failing Sun. With a nuclear bomb. The size of Manhattan. In a big space ship.

Yawn.

Anyway, the plucky bunch set off for the sun in their flying space bomb and everything’s going great guns, we learn that a previous mission has failed, Icarus, and that we are now watching the crew of Icarus II, we also learn that no one knows why the original Icarus (let’s call it Icarus I) failed on their mission. Oooh, spooky.

The Cast Of Sunshine

As they jet through space we watch them do the usual futuristic space ship things, look at screens, check dials, eat space-food, bicker, you know the sort of things they do in sci-fi?

However this is where my first problem starts. This isn’t set in the sort of universe that Star Wars or Firefly is, it’s set in what is ostensibly the here and now. Anyone going into space on what was essentially a suicide mission would have been put through every psychological evaluation under the sun, they would have been screened and screened again, not one trace of susceptibility would have been allowed on that ship, or for that matter the Icarus I.
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