Crackerwax

Fucking ace, that’s how good. Look at this guy, recognise him?

Ok, he looks a wee bit indistinct in that shot, but if you go and have a look at the trailer you’ll see how kick ass this movie is shaping up to be.

We see, what I assume to be, Ramjet jumping into the air, transforming and screaming off into the distance. In fact we see all sorts of transformations in the trailer and they are all fantastic. Fantastic. Oh, hang on I don’t think I made that clear. All the transformations (am I overusing that word?) are stunning, they look just like you’d hope they would.

I remember lusting after the toys as a kid, but luckily my parents were too tight to buy them for me so I’ve managed to retain that lust, just in time for Steven Spielberg to produce a live action version. Ace.

Hang on though, it’s Friday night, I’ve been at the gin so maybe it’s just me but this looks like it’s going to be fucking dynamite.

Actually, I have been at the gin and I do feel a little tipsy but let’s try and plow through the coolest bits of the trailer.

0:11 It starts with the (human) hero getting driven by a Porsche dealership with his dad and it turning out to be a gag all about Jazz not being in the movie.

0:20 Bernie Mac. Comedian.

0:38 Invasion, tonnes of meteorites smash the Earth. Oooh, now it begins!

0:48 Bumblebee transforms! A collective gasp at Crackerwax Towers and we start getting excited, well maybe just me.

1:02 Jon Voight expresses his astonishment at seeing Megatron all frozen up in a secret hanger. At least I assume it’s Megatron.

1:05 Release date. July 4th (God bless America!).

1:14 Ramjet (or similar) jumps, transforms and fucks off.

1:21 Transfomer climbs out of a pool. This bit is also accompanied by what I guess to be an Autobot voice-over talking about ‘our enemy’.

1:30 We’re gonna need a montage! Optimus Prime arrives, chung-chung-chuug-choo-chaa’s and then stares hard (and a wee bit menacingly) at our hero and his bird.

1:44 ‘It’s probably Japanese’. Guffaw.

1:47 Helicopter Decepticon transforms. I pour more gin and squeal like a girl.

1:52 More fantastic Ramjet action. Actually it’s better than fantastic, it’s, well, it’s like all the way up to eleven?

2:04 Robots, kicking the digital-shit out of each other.

2:22 Optimus Prime does a Bruce Lee pose. Before you get concerned, I agree, if someone used that sentence to describe something I’d be worried, but just watch the trailer it looks cool.

2:23 That screen shot up there. Optimus Prime in hot fisticuffs action.

2:32 Trailer ends.

After the disappointment of Spider-Man 3 it looks like there might be a summer blockbuster worth seeing!

My only concern is that I’m only hyped about this because of a wave of nostalgia rather than any actual feeling about what I’ve seen. Still time will tell.

Ooh, I hope it’s good…

Update: I was wrong. So very, very wrong. Transformers is quite possibly one of the laziest, piece of shit movies I have ever seen. What was I thinking, I should have known this is how it would end.

This entry was posted on Friday, May 18th, 2007 at 11:22 pm and is filed under Movies. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.