Christ. Another year, another three months of attention hungry, vapid fuckwits parading their neurosis live on telly for the nation. Ace!
As much as I pretend that I can’t stand it, yet again here I am watching it. Bollocks.
In an amazing twist (not really, but I’ve got a quota to fulfill) it’s all women that have opened the show and what a bunch they are.
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I came across these just now, thought somebody might like to see them…
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It’s working again. Thank fook for that.
Worked out that the new gallery was just never going to work, so backed out the changes and bingo-bango!
If it doesn’t work for you make sure you delete your internet cache (hmm, that sounds familiar) and it should work for you. Normal service has been resumed…
I’m having a fucking nightmare with this bloody site.
I’ve just downloaded and installed the updated plug in for my galleries and it’s proving to be a bitch to get working properly.
The gist of all this is that if you see thumbnails in the wrong aspect ratio or that look squished forgive me. Also as none of the captions work either, when you do finally click on a mishapen link and get up the full size picture none of pithy words will be there. Sorry.
Fingers crossed for an update…
Caught this on BBC Three the other night and it’s a fairly interesting concept. You take five relatively well to do people, strip them of everything they own and chuck them onto the streets of London. Boy did they choose some stunners.
The five volunteers are Clementine, Darren, Thomas, Charles and Ravi. All of them are worth a bob or two and have agreed to take part in the show to get a feel for what life is like on the other side of the coin. Very brave if you ask me, I don’t know if I could do it. Then again after watching the show I’m not sure they can.
The two people over seeing this experiment are Craig a homeless worker whose pretty sound and Rebecca, who’s sound too, and American and hard as nails. They’re proper boring though, so join me now for a journey through time and space in to the world of the filthy rich and homeless!
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I went to the Star Wars Exhibition in London today and it was super-duper, look!
Well, the exhibits were super-duper, the kids running around pawing absolutely everything in sight weren’t so great.
What the fuck is wrong with parents these days? There were kids smearing their hands all over the exhibits leaving sticky little Sunny D snail trails and at one point a kid called Orin (I shit you not) started banging against a glass display cabinet and his chubby, sloane of a mother just stood there watching him. Fucking idiot.
No doubt had he broken the cabinet and injured himself she’d be the first in the queue wringing her hands, wailing and gnashing her teeth, demanding compensation and that ‘something’ be done. Take some responsibility you fucker.
Oh yeah, and I was snubbed by Darth Vader, I was so disappointed, but then again what do I expect he is the most evil man in the entire galaxy. I was a bit of a tit to expect anything else really.
I suspect it may not have been the Darth Vader as:
It was still top fun though!
Sorry we forgot. Naughty us.
I loved 28 Days Later, it was gruesome but clever. The start of the film probably sold it to everyone, Cillian Murphy ambling through the streets of a deserted London shouting hellloooo at the top of his voice. Superb!
Why is 28 Weeks Later such a pile of wank then?
The movie opens around the time of 28 Days Later with Don (the mumbling Robert Carlyle, forever Begbie) and his wife holed up in a quiet little cottage in the middle of nowhere. Luckily their kids were on a school trip to Spain when all this zombie business kicked off, so it’s just them and a small group of other survivors.
Shortly after we meet the group, a child, orphaned by the infected and also seemingly incapable of using cutlery, starts banging on the door to be let in. Soft bastards that they are, they do. This is a plot point, so pay attention, it’s a kid right? They’ve not seen their kids for a while. Hmmm.
After dinner is out of the way a group of the infected, who were no doubt led there by said orphan, break in. Don pegs it, leaving his wife who, stupidly, tries to protect Oliver. Clearly Don is married to a stupid cow who deserves to die at the hands of the infected.
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That’s Russel T. Davies. He writes Doctor Who and Queer As Folk and he wrote this…
‘Whatever you do on Doctor Who, whatever technology or futurism you’re putting on screen, it’s always going to look like it was made now and it should. You know, science fiction in the sixties looks like it was made in the sixties, the seventies, eighties. The worst and most stupid thing you can do is go in to a meeting and say let’s make it timeless.
For a start, why? I think these programs are a record of the year in which they are made and they should be and they should show that off, and plus you can’t fight it that’ll creep in anyway. There’s no such thing as a timeless design, ever.
And I think partly you have to celebrate that.’
What a dick. Of course you can have timeless design, it just takes effort. Effort that you’re not capable of making Russell.
Look at Star Wars, thirty years old and you’d be hard pushed to definitively tell that it’s a product of the seventies. Try Blade Runner I couldn’t tell if that was from 1982 or 1997.
So before you indulge in any more pointless fucking waffle, there just to apologise for your piss poor stories and special effects, think about making a better television series.
I think the T must stand for twat.
How cool would it be to get Neil Patrick Harris (aka Doogie Howser, more recently Barnie in How I Met Your Mother) into House as a consulting doctor, or whatever?
It’d be really cool wouldn’t it? Come on it’d be ace!
I can envision the storyline now, House gets off with the big drug storyline they’ve got going on in season three, and Cuddy decides they need some more specialist doctors in the hospital so gets in Dr Howser!
I think it would be awesome. Vote!
For some reason I bought a couple of movies on Blu-ray the other day.
A couple of movies I already own on DVD. A couple of movies on Blu-ray that I won’t be able to watch because:
- I have no Blu-ray player (PlayStation 3 or otherwise).
- I have no HDTV to attach the non-existant Blu-ray player to.
- I have no time to watch the DVD versions I already own.
The consumer whore in me has clearly risen to the surface (although probably not for the first or last time). Having said all that, at least I bought two of the coolest movies of all time, Layer Cake and Casino Royale!
All I need to do now is the purchase a 40″ Samsung 1080p hi-def LCD and a PlayStation 3 probably with MotorStorm, as we all know though I have vowed to never buy a PS3, which could make this tricky.
After that it’s all plain sailing!
Fucking ace, that’s how good. Look at this guy, recognise him?
Ok, he looks a wee bit indistinct in that shot, but if you go and have a look at the trailer you’ll see how kick ass this movie is shaping up to be.
We see, what I assume to be, Ramjet jumping into the air, transforming and screaming off into the distance. In fact we see all sorts of transformations in the trailer and they are all fantastic. Fantastic. Oh, hang on I don’t think I made that clear. All the transformations (am I overusing that word?) are stunning, they look just like you’d hope they would.
I remember lusting after the toys as a kid, but luckily my parents were too tight to buy them for me so I’ve managed to retain that lust, just in time for Steven Spielberg to produce a live action version. Ace.
Hang on though, it’s Friday night, I’ve been at the gin so maybe it’s just me but this looks like it’s going to be fucking dynamite.
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Went to bingo tonight with Suzanne, Andrea and Stuart. As far as I can tell bingo players are all a combination of the following:
Well, that might be a little bit unfair, but bloody hell it’s a fucking nightmare. The whole experience costs you about six thousand pounds and once you get in there you can’t see from one side of the gaudily lit shit-hole to the other for cigarette smoke.
You go in, buy your bingo sheets from the world’s least customer focussed person, who when asked how to play tells you that you just mark off the numbers. Wow. Really? Fucking hell is that it? Bad experience right off the bat there. Great.
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‘I put my complete trust in the sat nav and it led me right into the path of a speeding train.’
That’s because you’re a fucking idiot. However, she continues.
‘I came to this crossing at Ffynongain and there was, like, a metal gate, which looked like just a normal farmers’ gate with a red circle on it.’
A red circle? Hmmm, what could that possibly mean?
‘I thought it was a dead end at first and then there was a little sign saying, if the light is green, open the gates and drive through.’
If the light is green. What would you do? I know that I’d be looking for a green light, what’s more I wouldn’t move until I found one. What I wouldn’t do is, oh, too late…
‘So I opened the gate, drove forward, closed the gate behind me and then went to go and open the gate in front of me. Then I heard this train and I noticed train tracks.’.
What a dozy motherfucker, for the love of God, she’s a second year student at Birmingham University, good to see the future’s in safe hands, eh?
Her shitty little Clio was dragged half a mile down the tracks by a train and all she can say is ‘the crossing wasn’t shown on the sat nav.’, nothing about how she’s really sorry that she put people’s lives at risk, no, no none of that. Does the thought even occur to her that a train hitting her car could cause a derailment?
There are more people in the world than you love. What about the driver? For all he knows he’s hitting a car full of people. Are they going to die, is he going to die, are the people on his train going to die? Long and short of it, is he going to be responsible for the death of other human beings?
Fact is you’re too stupid to be allowed behind the wheel of a car. I say she should be prosecuted for driving without due care and attention.
Take a look at this.
How tasty does that look? Oh yes, no mistaking it’s the finest chocolate and batter based snack available on the planet. The deep fried Mars bar.
I introduced Suzanne and, surprisingly, Mr and Mrs Douglas senior to the joys earlier today. More photos of the event after the jump!
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During a recent house clearance the following snaps were unearthed.
After a bit of a metaphorical spit and polish in Photoshop they’ve come up a treat. See for yourselves.
Ok, here we go, a number of photos I’ve taken and they’re all in super-panoramascope!
Pizza, alcohol and a stay in a top notch hotel, what could be better? Nowt, that’s what.
Also seeing Andy so shit faced he could hardly stand was slightly chortlesome, I won’t deny it.
Now, don’t worry I’m not going silly. I know it’s been ages since Halloween but this is the first test of my new image handling for this, the amazing and new crackerwax v2.0.
Let me know what you think!
Set fifty years in the future Sunshine is the story of eight brave astronauts attempts to restart the failing Sun. With a nuclear bomb. The size of Manhattan. In a big space ship.
Yawn.
Anyway, the plucky bunch set off for the sun in their flying space bomb and everything’s going great guns, we learn that a previous mission has failed, Icarus, and that we are now watching the crew of Icarus II, we also learn that no one knows why the original Icarus (let’s call it Icarus I) failed on their mission. Oooh, spooky.
As they jet through space we watch them do the usual futuristic space ship things, look at screens, check dials, eat space-food, bicker, you know the sort of things they do in sci-fi?
However this is where my first problem starts. This isn’t set in the sort of universe that Star Wars or Firefly is, it’s set in what is ostensibly the here and now. Anyone going into space on what was essentially a suicide mission would have been put through every psychological evaluation under the sun, they would have been screened and screened again, not one trace of susceptibility would have been allowed on that ship, or for that matter the Icarus I.
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