Twitter Is Over Capacity

Published by Crackerwax on 3 July 2008 in Geeky Stuff and Sites. 0 Comments

In the words of Adam West, get a tan.

Twitter is really, really cool and I love using it but that fucking whale suspended by birdies is doing my head in.

Every single time I tweet from my laptop it’s almost guaranteed that at some point I’m going to see this picture.

Twitter is over capacity. Again.

What makes all of this worse of course is the serene expression on it’s face, like it couldn’t give a shit, what are they trying to say? Are they calling us oblivious whales? If they are what does that even mean?

Secondly judging by the shape of their, what can only be described as childish, drawing of the whale (let’s call him Blimpy) it’s looks like it’s supposed to be a sperm whale. Now, according to Wikipedia sperm whales are around twenty metres long, that makes those birds just shy of two meters long each. What the fuck kind of birds are they supposed to be?

Thirdly regardless of what kind of bird they are, they deserve a slap. Four of them are flying left and four of them are flying right. How’s that supposed to help exactly? At least get a grip and all fly in the same direction! Flying like that’s just going to spin Blimpy round and round, and probably make him heave planktony sick at the end of it.

Of course in their defence they can’t organise themselves because they can’t communicate properly. Like the dim witted, two metre, monstrosities they are, they’re trying to support Blimpy’s harness with their beaks! This can’t be the best way to hold on to a creature that weighs in excess of 50,000 kg, it’s surely a bit much to expect each bird to lift 6,000 kg with just their beak? A harness of sorts for each bird would make far more sense.

It’s no wonder Twitter’s down so much. If they can’t even get their outage splash page thought through a bit, what hope do we have of a reliable service?

Fair enough I can’t really see how they are able to provide the service they do gratis but even so if their goal is to some day make money from it, they need to ensure that it’s reliable. Of course I have my suspicions that they’re probably just biding their time waiting to be bought by Google.

Middle Class Rock Not Paying The Bills?

Published by Crackerwax on 3 July 2008 in Photos. 0 Comments

Looks like a spot of moonlighting’s been going on. Does raising young Apple really cost all that much?

Fallen on hard times/

Oh Chris, why didn’t you say something, I could have lent you some cash. I’d have thought Gwyneth should have made a couple of bob from Iron Man though?

Here Is The News

Published by Crackerwax on 2 July 2008 in Announcements. 2 Comments

For the two people who read my site and might not be aware, I live in Nottingham now. That’s partly why the site has remained un-updated for the past few weeks.

I moved here two weeks ago today, into a lovely flat in the heart of the city, which is really quite cool. Living here is certainly a change from Burton Upon Trent, whether that’s a good or a bad thing only time will tell but there we go, Nottingham’s where I’m at.

With that little spurt of information I shall stop typing and let you go about your business. I thank you.

Mario And Lisa For The Win

Published by Crackerwax on 10 June 2008 in Big Brother. 1 Comment

They’re a lovely couple. They deserve to win.

The only decent people in that house are Michael, Luke, Mario, Lisa and Katherya.

The most hateful bunch of people are Sylvia, Stephanie and Alexandra. The level of viciousness they display towards the rest of the house is astounding.

Alexandra’s talk of ‘a lack of courtesy and a lack of respect’ is astounding. What is it about people like her that makes them think that because they’ve managed to live their life in a less than satisfactory manner that it means we should all immediately bow down to their vast experience and world view?

She spends her time abusing everyone and demanding their respect. I’m not certain how that works. She’s a fucking psychopath.

Hirrarious!

Published by Crackerwax on 9 June 2008 in Big Brother and Television. 1 Comment

The new Big Brother is shaping up to be quite good actually.

I know I might rail against television a lot of the time, but I do like Big Brother, it’s a study in human relations. The only thing I have a problem with is the fact that the producers do seem to be a little bit Machiavellian when it comes to picking the mentally ill.

My favourite to win probably has to be Dennis, although Mario and Lisa seem like a very nice couple and probably deserve to win.

The rest of them are a mixed bunch. Alexandra strikes me as a queen bitch, with a chip on her shoulder the size of a small family saloon, her default attitude is opposition which when combined with her natural aggression becomes a volatile combo.

Stephanie may only be nineteen, but she really has to learn to stop pouting quite so much. The world doesn’t revolve around you love.

God I need to stop watching this sort of thing, it’s rotting my brain!

Lalmonirhat District - Give Birth To Himself

Published by Crackerwax on 8 June 2008 in Announcements, Friends and cool. 0 Comments

You have to get the new album by Lalmonirhat District. Just look at the cover!

Buy Tony's t-shirts!

Anyway you can buy Give Birth To Himself online now, just click this link.

My Ex-Housemate Julie Is Alive!

Published by Crackerwax on 1 June 2008 in Announcements and Friends. 3 Comments

My mate Tony just emailed me a picture of an old friend of mine that I used to share a house with in Stafford, back in the dim and distant past.

Ladies and gentlemen I present Julie!

Julie. Fagg ovv!

Now I’ve got plenty of stories to tell you about Julie, like the time she tried to force me to give her a piggy back when walking back from the pub one night? Suffice to say her attempt lead to her scraping her face along the pavement, which in turn lead to some severe facial abrasions.

Of course being a resilient kind of bird, this didn’t phase Julie for one second, she merely continued wandering up the street shouting ‘He hit me! He hit me!’ at the top of her voice and pointing at me

That’s not the best story though. Oh, no.

I lived in a house with Julie and a couple of other friends, Shaggy and Sam. I had the smallest room in the house and it was right above the front door, which meant I heard all the comings and goings.

Late one Friday night I was awoken by the sound of mumbling and a key being scraped repeatedly across the front door. I sat up in bed and listened to this noise for at least five minutes, before the key finally found its home in the lock.

The noise that followed, of the now unlocked door slamming against the wall in the hallway, probably woke Shaggy, who had the downstairs bedroom beside the front door. If it hadn’t I’m pretty certain the noise of it being shut afterwards would have. The whole house shook. For a diminutive piss head she had some strength.

Anyway, now safely in the house it was Julie’s mission to get to bed. This involved stairs. Actually it only involved six stairs, as half way up Julie must have lost her balance which lead to another almighty crash.

This time Sam and I rushed out of our rooms to see what had happened. The scene that met us was amazing.

Julie lay at the bottom of the stairs one of her legs twisted up behind her back at a most unnatural angle, her right arm stretched out behind her head, a portion of chips in its hand, most of which remarkably had managed to remain in the tray during her stunt.

She was alive but looked pretty fucked up it must be said.

What was most amazing however was the perfect arc of curry sauce on the wall that described beautifully, her rapid, and one imagines unexpected, descent from stair six.

So, the now prostate Julie, lying at the foot of the stairs chuckling to her self, could for all we knew be paralysed. It was with concern that Sam and I stood at the top of the stairs only to witness Shaggy, the worlds thinnest man at the time, appear from his room and enquire as to Julie’s well being.

Her response?

‘Fugg ovv, ya fat bashtad!’. Fantastic!

The Debut Album Game

Published by Crackerwax on 31 May 2008 in Funny and Geeky Stuff. 3 Comments

Tony Blews popped up an interesting post yesterday about a new game everyone can play, Your Debut Album!

Being the type of sucker that enjoys this sort of thing I went along and had a go. Anyway to cut a boring story short, here’s what I got, by the way you should read the rules before you look at all this otherwise it’ll mean fuck all!

My random Wikipedia entry was about the Susi Earnshaw Theatre School.

My random quote turned out to be.

It is our choices… that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

From J. K. Rowling and her interminable book Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets.

And my photo was this delightful piece of pop art.

The original image.

So after a bit of crafty Photoshopping I came up with this!

The final cover!

Nifty, huh?

Terminator: Crackerwax

Published by Crackerwax on 25 May 2008 in Announcements, Freaky and Movies. 4 Comments

So, there I was, relaxing and having a bit of an afternoon snooze when I was rudely awoken by my phone going off.

By golly I’m glad it did though, it enabled me to remember what is quite possibly the best dream I’ve had since the one where I leapt onto a double decker bus to escape a Predator that was chasing me down Oxford Street.

The dream only lasted about ten minutes, but in that ten minutes I managed to really feel fear, proper I’m going to die style fear. It was awesome.

I was hiding out in a house, a small house, the sort you’d see in American movies set in the mid-west. It was all one floor and the rooms all joined on to each other so it formed a sort of four room circle. I was in the front corner of the house to the left of the front door and I was peering through the blinds.

From my vantage point I could see a Terminator standing on a big metal shipping container, the type the ship cars and things in. This Terminator was a T888 like in the TV series, it had its back to me and was slowly scanning the horizon.

My immediate assumption was that it was looking for me, so I carefully and quietly crept out of the house by the side door and, ducking down, ran through more of the shipping crates. At one point I was passed by a police cruiser, what it was doing I wasn’t sure but my only focus was on escape from the Terminator that I was convinced had been sent to kill me.

So after a short crouching jog I came across a rather old, dark blue pick up truck. I quietly opened, what should have been the passenger side door, and climbed in. Even though I was convinced I was in America the truck was right hand drive. There were no keys in the ignition, so after pulling down the sun visor and discovering there weren’t any there either I resigned myself to going back to the house, talking my chances with the Terminator and looking for some car keys.

At that point I woke up. My heart was racing and I thought that the whole thing had been real, it took a good five minutes for me to relax.

This raises some questions though.

  1. What were all the shipping crates doing surrounding a lovely little bungalow/house thing? Could mean a lot of things that one.
  2. Was the Terminator actually after me? Could it have been protecting me? Does this suggest or signify that I’m unjustly suspicious of those that care about me, or that they’ve turned their back on me?
  3. What significance does the passing police car have? Do I feel that those that should help me are unwilling to or can’t anymore?
  4. Why was the truck right hand drive, even though everything else was obviously American? Am I the odd one out?
  5. Why was the Terminator a T888, which isn’t the traditional and more obvious T800 Arnie-looking Terminator? Is the fact that the T888 series have never been the good guys significant?

It was all very strange and I can’t help but think there’s more to this than meets the eye! All thoughts on a post card to the usual address.

Ouija Boards

Published by Crackerwax on 20 May 2008 in Hate and Ranting. 0 Comments

You know what would really impress me during a Ouija board session? If the glass were to move by itself.

Yeah that’d do it for me.

You see, that glass, or planchette if you really want to give your made up shit some authority, is in fact moved by what is known as the ideomotor effect. Tiny subconscious motor movements that you don’t even register.

Perhaps they’re not enough to fling a glass across a room, leave that to the charlatan running the show, but certainly enough to move it a few inches.

So I repeat, if you want me to believe in your silly little ghost stories, I want that fucker to move by itself.

Happy Birthday Tony!

Published by Crackerwax on 19 May 2008 in Announcements and People. 7 Comments

Well he could have let me know, jeez. I don’t know why I bother.

Anyway happy birthday Mr Blews, in honour of the event I present you with this tune.

Every word is true. Happy birthday!

Dylan Thomas - And Death Shall Have No Dominion

Published by Crackerwax on 19 May 2008 in Literature, Love and cool. 2 Comments

Dylan Thomas, what a guy.

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan’t crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

Enough said.

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