Crackerwax

I like that title, it reminds me of some of Laurie’s blog posts. Let’s see, in no particular order here are five of my favourites.

• Harry Potter and the Fascist Ubermensch
• Deference and defeatism vs. youth revolution
• There’s nothing edgy about violence against women
• A modesty slip for misogyny
• Michael Gove and the Imperialists

Aren’t they great? Now me, I’m not a political beast but I do have a view on politics, I’m neither a raging socialist nor am I a massive right wing nutjob and nor am I a middle-of-the-road liberal.

I’m a man that really just wants everyone to get on and realise that the world wasn’t created for their edification and that I don’t care what they want. So it comes as a great shock to me to see people foaming at the mouth in celebration of Laurie Penny and her – what any right minded adult would think were – simplistic view of the world.

Watch this video and then we’ll have a chat about what I think.

Wow. Cool huh? After watching it i had the temerity to write in the comments section. I wrote this:

What a child. A complete lack of understanding of the world economy and of the way in which businesses – at a high level – operate. Grow up, experience life, then comment.

A little patronising maybe even condescending but nonetheless my honest opinion. Naught moments later @andyroog posted this comment:

@crackerwax Don’t be a dick. Either argue with her, or give up. Don’t resort to ‘I’ve seen the world, you’re too young’, claptrap. Just because you’re old(er) doesn’t make you any more experienced – you have to prove that.

Gosh.

Well @andyroog you’re correct being older doesn’t necessarily mean you’re more experienced. However when you come out with statements like “…seven billion as a loan to ireland and there’s plenty of money…” or “Phillip Green is a tax avoider…” as young Laurie did you’re betraying your lack of understanding or at the very least the bigger picture.

Read the rest of this entry »

At the turn of the century – this century by the way – I looked like this:

You could quite justifiably ask if I was about to eat that puppy, chances are I was. I would eat anything, anything. Around this time I was routinely going for a full English for lunch, on occasion even having two, and in the afternoons I’d sit and eat an entire double pack of Jammie Dodgers at my desk.

In addition I took no exercise. Not a bit. I weighed 16st 11lbs

A few years later I had an epiphany. After a particularly disastrous relationship – that’s another story – I decided that enough was enough and that I needed to start getting a bit fitter. I finished my southern fried chicken bap and vowed to start eating healthily and going to the gym.

Which I did. Eight months later I looked like this:

Now that’s more like it, no? I was 14st on the button in that picture, which, according to the BMI charts means I was still overweight. Fuck it though, I felt good! I could run for an hour straight and still be able to have a conversation at the end of it. In addition I was – for some unfathomable reason, given my foul personality – beating the women off with a shitty stick.

All was well, sadly though I didn’t keep it up, so slowly but surely over the last four years I’ve crept back up to the horrendous seventeen stone, eight pounds I am today.

At six feet tall, seventeen stone, eight pounds puts me firmly in the obese camp. It’s not good. That’s why I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf. I’m going to start going to the gym again, start eating properly, no skipping breakfast.

People asked me when I originally lost my weight, how I had done it. The answer was simple ‘eat less, do more’ and it hasn’t changed. If you consume fewer calories than you burn, you’re going to lose weight.

My aim is by next May to be 14st 3lbs. I think I can do it. No, I know I can do it.

I love the principle of cloud storage, that I can save something on my Mac and as if by magic a super clever little daemon whisks away all that data to the, er, well, faery data land. There to be kept safe by the Goblin King and his massive package.

Alas I also have concerns about said faery data land, who’s looking at it? Do I trust them? Will they do me a mischief? Will they sell my data to the papers? I sometimes think about this a lot.

Then I normally remember that Google could have outed me as any number of things a long time ago and settle down to worry about proper stuff, like will the Deadwood TV movies ever get made, will I ever finish The Shield, what’s for dinner and why is George Lucas such a twat, safe in the knowledge that Dropbox is fab.

So this Dropbox then, yes, it’s one of these storage services that allows to chuck all your stuff into the cloud but the difference here is that they’ve got some nifty software to back their service up (excuse the pun).

Not only can you view your data on any web browser and any OS, but you can also get clients for your smartphone – iOS and Android only at the minute, though BlackBerry is coming – and best of all, a tiny little application that runs as a service on your Mac or your Windows box.

This little application is the truly killer bit. It just sits there synchronising the folder of your choice, so that the data sits on your disk and in the cloud simultaneously. No clumsy dragging and dropping, or copying files. No way jose. Dropbox does it all for you, save it in your Dropbox folder and forget about it.

Overnight – well, quicker than that but I’m all about the romantic image – the Dropbox daemon will pop into your computer and create tiny little clones of your data. Awesome!

Of course that’s not all. The mobile apps let you access all your data when you’re out and about and the Dropbox website will let you do the same. I can’t get over how so fantastically well thought out it all is. Dropbox really does deserve your attention.

They give you 2GB storage for free and if your prepared to pay a tiny amount per month you can get 50GB or even 100GB accounts.

The question is though, why isn’t iDisk this cool? Come on Apple, why?

I’ve always enjoyed the Black Adder series, to the point that I could overlook Ben Elton’s involvement in it and that’s saying something. On the flip side though I’ve always despised Mr Bean.

You win some you lose some I guess.

However what has impressed me more than anything is a little quote I read recently – attributed to Mr Atkinson – in relation to the then proposed Racial and Religious Hatred Act 2006.

To criticize a person for their race is manifestly irrational and ridiculous, but to criticize their religion, that is a right. That is a freedom. The freedom to criticize ideas, any ideas – even if they are sincerely held beliefs – is one of the fundamental freedoms of society. A law which attempts to say you can criticize and ridicule ideas as long as they are not religious ideas is a very peculiar law indeed.

Well said that man.

The Commodore 64 was an outstanding machine, its abilities were pretty amazing for the time and whilst its graphical abilities were good, they were matched by other 8-bit machines of the time. Its sound though? Well that’s another story altogether.

The Commodore 64 was home to one of the most powerful sound processors of the time; the SID.

The SID, or Sound Interface Device, was the sound controller that was used in the Commodore 64, essentially it was an analogue synth on a chip and the range of sounds it could produce were streets ahead of anything else at the time.

The guys that managed to coax the sounds from this chip are legendary in retro gaming circles, the most well known proponent of the art – Rob Hubbard – is a genius. To this day he remains practically unknown, he truly deserves more recognition for the part he played in the foundation of digital music.

Even now though the SID is still used, primarily in a MIDI sound module – the SIDStation – and the sounds it makes have been very popular with the rap and R&B communities, with numerous tracks sporting SID arpeggios.

Some producers have been less than honest though. Timbaland in particular. He infamously lifted the entire melody from the Commodore 64 arrangement of an Amiga tune; Acidjazzed Evening and used it in the Nelly Furtado song Do It.

The original composer was given no credit. The whole thing sucked.

Regardless of all that the SID’s sound remains unique and is instantly recognisable to any retro gaming fan or 8-bit afficianado.

It’s good that SID music is still being listened to, and that it’s so easy to get, regardless of the rather dishonest use of those tunes by some.

If you’ve never heard the SID belt out a tune on its own – without an overpaid half wit babbling all over it – you’ve really missed a great experience. That’s why I’ve put together my top ten favourite SID tunes for you to listen to. I’m kind like that.

Sanxion – Rob Hubbard

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Ooh! Sanxion! What a belter this is. Loading a game took ages back in the mid-eighties, so it was always good when you got a rocking piece of music like this to distract you. Mind you I didn’t think that much of Sanxion as a game, it never really did it for me. I suspect I’m in the minority there though.

Wizball – Martin Galway

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Good grief Wizball was an amazing game and it was made by the music. This is the high score theme which is lovely and mellow and would often round off a session nicely.

Its mellow and spacey all at the same time. I love it!

Cybernoid II – Jeroen Tel

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This came slightly later in the Commodore 64′s life and is altogether a bit more full on. That’s not to say it’s not great, because it is, it’s just a bit stronger.

Parallax – Martin Galway

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This piece of music comes from the part of Parallax where you’re running around the deserted cities, usually drugging scientists. It really conjured up the isolation of being in a practically empty, alien city.

Just me then?

The Last Ninja – Ben Daglish & Anthony Lees

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Every single tune in The Last Ninja was a corker. In the end I plumped for this one, no particular reason as they are all mini-masterpieces in their own right.

Tetris – Wally Beben

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The closest the Commodore 64 got to prog rock was this awesome twenty five minute epic that accompanied – in hindsight – one of the worst versions of Tetris I’ve ever played.

At the time though I seem to recall thinking that Commodore 64 Tetris was awesome. I was only thirteen mind and it was a cold winter. Nevertheless listening to this and resetting the line counter twice (it reset at 255) was my idea of a great night back then.

Hunter’s Moon – Matt Gray

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Another loading screen tune and what a stunner it is. The slow militaristic beat accompanied a brilliant loading screen and once again it really got you in the mood for the game to come, which by the way was corking.

I seem to recall it was also quite easy to cheat and rack up a whole host of extra lives because of the regenerating nature of the game world. This meant you could point your ship at an alien structure, pop a book on your fire button, zip off and have your tea, all the while safe in the knowledge you were racking up the points as the computer controlled drones went around rebuilding the scenery you were getting points for destroying! Happy days.

Quedex – Matt Gray

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Quedex, or to give it its full title; The Quest For Ultimate Dexterity! I spent about two hours failing the first level because I hadn’t read the instructions.

The only thing that kept me going was the music, my reasoning being that if the music was this good the game must be pretty special. That and the fact that it had got a Zzap! Sizzler.

Firefly – Fred Gray

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Tidy little game, nothing special but the music was ace!

Zamzara – Charles Deenen

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A scrolling Contra style affair without the delicate control that Contra afforded you. Given that it was a budget title (£2.99, bargain!) the graphics and music were amazing!

If you’ve got the right money that is. Seemingly Adidas had the right money.

Part of me still thinks it’s very well done and kind of cool, but this it clearly illustrates exactly how little artistic integrity George Lucas has.

I mean, really, rehashing the famous cantina scene, from one of the most iconic films ever made just to sell football boots and running shoes? If that doesn’t scream sell-out, I don’t know what does.

Fair enough, it’s his creation to do with what he will but even so, how much money does one man need? Is there nothing he wouldn’t allow Star Wars be used to endorse?

We’ve already seen Darth Vader and the droids used in adverts for Energizer batteries, Currys electrical stores, Tunes menthol throat sweets and Volkswagen Passats, what can we expect to be added to that roster?

I’m betting if the people at Always gave the beardy old twat enough money, he’d let them use Princess Leia in an white gown to advertise the need for good protection from your panty liner. Always, for those days when the Force just isn’t enough…

No I don’t think there’s anything George Lucas wouldn’t do for money. What a shame.

Watch this.

Inspired. Harry Nesbitt has a unique style. I often imagine that this is the life I would have carved out for myself had I been an anthropomorphic, bearded rabbit.

So, we hate our children then? Well, that’s what Sir Al Aynsley Green says anyway. In an interview with The Independent, he said.

One of the greatest challenges we have had is public attitudes to children.

This country is one of the most child unfriendly countries in the world. Just in terms of how we value children one of the most powerful examples is the Mosquito device – an ultrasonic weapon designed to stop kids gathering.

When I have been to Norway, Canada and Australia people say to me “What’s wrong with your country why do you hate children so much? You are employing an ultrasonic weapon against them. And why has your government been so spineless in not trying to stop it.

This is a very powerful symbol of what I see as a deep malaise in our society and our views towards children and especially young people. We care about kids in our own families but do we care about the kids of other people – especially those who might be disadvantaged or who might be causing trouble?

Well spotted that man, give him a prize, give him two prizes! Why do we hate other’s children but not our own though, what are the reasons for that?

The one major reason I can think of is fear.

We are afraid of being branded a paedophile if we take an interest in a child’s welfare. Not only that but we are afraid of the children themselves. What will they say? Will they hurt us? It’s not malaise that stops us caring, it’s fear.

At what point did this happen, when did we become afraid of the youth? Read the rest of this entry »

Link: Spare The Rod And Spoil The Society

So, we hate our children then? Well, that’s what Sir Al Aynsley Green says anyway. In an interview with The Independent, he said.

One of the greatest challenges we have had is public attitudes to…

There are only twenty-four little hours – even less than that really – until we all find out exactly what it is that Apple have been cooking up in their top secret Cupertino labs. I can’t wait.

It’s decided! February is to be the month where I finally kick the habit.

There will be no swearing for the entire 28 days. No fuck, no piss, no shit, not even a bollocks. Nada.

For four weeks I will be clean, what’s more I’m going to go cold turkey. On Sunday the 31st of January I will have a good old swear – stopping of course at midnight – then when I wake on the Monday morning that’ll be it, no naughty words.

Of course I’m going to find this insanely difficult, I’ve kind of built up a trusted vocabulary of swear words and quite honestly they work really well for me. I don’t know what I’m going to replace them with but I’m ready to find out.

Fuck yeah!

I used to hate Apple. Then I bought a 60GB iPod Photo. I never looked back. Roll on the 27th of January, it’s the big product announcement day!

The most recent of my woeful party adventures occurred about a year ago, at a house party organised by someone I hardly knew. He was a generous chap so unless you were a convicted serial killer, you got an invite.

My excitement at being invited to a party lead to my hasty – and in hindsight, rash – offer to wear a kilt.

Now, I love my kilts and I’ll wear them at the drop of a hat, everyone knows this. However women – for some crazy unknown reason – go a bit funny when they see a man in a kilt. I’ve experienced this before many, many times. I’ve gotten used to it.

You know the sort of thing, questions about what’s underneath it – which for the record is nothing – and such. Although I have often wondered what would happen to me if I approached a girl at a party, complimented her on her dress and then followed it up by asking if she was wearing any knickers.

I can’t imagine it would be a positive outcome. Read the rest of this entry »

We’ve just finished watching The Doctor’s Daughter and having enjoyed it feel that the Doctor Who future is looking rather bright.

As episodes go it was stupid, the premise was flawed and it was altogether hokey but you know what else it was? It was fun.

There was plenty of running around in corridors and we didn’t particularly feel for anyone but it wasn’t mired in any kind of pathetic attempt at a story arc.

If Moffatt keeps his side of the bargain and follows this sort of blueprint then Doctor Who will once again be fantastic!

I love Amy Winehouse.

I know she’s got issues and that she a bit too keen on the drugs but hey, she’s got a fantastic musical ability and she’s as hot as you like.

Well, she was. Read the rest of this entry »

As if we we’re in any doubt about Matt Smith’s acting ability – see the trailer below – we were reminded by our good friend Restless Cheese of his appearance in the deleted scenes from In Bruges.

After a quick YouTube search we found it. You can watch it if you like.

We are good to you.

PS You should watch In Bruges it really is very, very funny.

The BBC have posted the trailer for the new Moffat lead Doctor Who and it looks superb. Take a look!

That uppercut? Yeah, we loved that too.

So after spotting an amazing offer from Matthew Gehrett for his services in theme song writing I decided to send him the requested fee.

This is the result!

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I quite like it, not sure about the battle axe malarkey but fuck it, it sounds good and not a little Scott Weilandy. So it’s fine by me.

Well, that was a bit odd. All my permalinks broke for no reason at all. I hope it didn’t annoy anyone.

Rage Against The Machine are the UK’s Christmas number one! Yeah get in! Fuck you Simon Cowell, fuck you, we won’t do what you tell us!

Isn’t it fantastic that a small body of people can cause such a huge upset? What hope it gives us to know that a brave cadre can march victorious, safe in the knowledge that they’ve fought the good fight. That they’ve stopped the evil record industry from winning with their fakery. That they’ve really stuck it to The Man! Isn’t it great?

In a word. No. Read the rest of this entry »

Dylan Thomas. What a guy.

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan’t crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

I love that. Then again who couldn’t.

Right. We’ve had The Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machine, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and now Terminator: Salvation. So, what have we learnt about Terminators from all these films?

Well, they’re practically indestructible aren’t they? Well, except in Terminator: Salvation where it seems like they could be taken out with a pea shooter.

The entirely inconsistent nature of damage sustained by Terminators is – ironically – the only consistent thread between all the movies and the TV series! Read the rest of this entry »

This video – after the jump – is just pure beauty and sadly describes the almost perfect day as far as I’m concerned.

It’s by Harry Nesbitt a fantastic illustrator and designer from Liverpool. He’s responsible for some the most creative and unique work I’ve seen in ages.

The header image on this very post is a detail from one of his illustrations.

Anyway click the link to watch the video! Read the rest of this entry »

Video games have a bad reputation. We’re told they’re responsible for a nation of fat, indolent children, that they condone – nay encourage – violent behaviour.

Whilst I certainly wouldn’t want any child of mine playing Resident Evil 5, Dead Space or – God forbid – any of the relentlessly tiresome Grand Theft Auto series, I wouldn’t object to them playing video games per se, much in the same way that I wouldn’t object to them watching films. In both cases I’d just want to ensure that what they watched or played was suitable.

You see all of the games I’ve mentioned above have 18 certificates in the UK and just like movies with the same rating shouldn’t be sold to anyone under the age of eighteen. It’s all fairly straightforward, these games are just not suitable, the fact that they are just games changes nothing. Read the rest of this entry »

So it’s no secret that here at DWID Towers we’d love to see a reboot of the Doctor Who franchise, ideally in the form of a theatrically released movie.

The plot we’re working on explains the origins of The Doctor and his relationship with humanity. It also serves to introduce us to Davros and the Daleks, as well as the role of Time Lords in the political machinations of the universe .

To that end we’ve written an outline and an opening monologue. Have a read and see what you think.

Over four and a half billion years ago – while your world was still being formed – we were taking our first steps into the vast reaches of space.

Five hundred million years later – while life was only just forming in your oceans – we had conquered space and had unravelled the secrets of the universe.

By the time that your species had evolved we had long since mastered inter-dimensional travel and had developed machines and sciences that allowed us to travel through time and dimensions in space with the greatest of ease.

And now, now when we finally meet, as your species is just beginning its interstellar journey. You face your greatest challenge.

This is my story and the story of how I met you and saved you.

Like it?

Given that Tony went to so much effort to create a new game — in the vein of the debut album game from last year — I felt I had to play along.

The basic gist of the game is that you compile your own list of ten songs to appear on your imaginary film soundtrack.

Being a lover of music I thought I’d give it a go, so I chose my ten songs and have complied the list here! Read the rest of this entry »

Y’see folks this is what comes of a good idea, a pair of munters in a basement somewhere think to themselves, wow those Australian girls – whilst fairly average looking – managed to look really quite hot when they dressed as Daleks, let’s do that.

Then you get this.

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For goodness sake. What’s that about, really? Come on now.

Thanks to io9 for ruining our weekend.

Ah what can you spit venomously about Comic Sans that hasn’t already been spat venomously by someone else? For those that don’t recognise the name take at look at this. Read the rest of this entry »